Seeing Ershadi
By Nicole Krauss, first published in The New Yorker
A dancer becomes disillusioned after moving to Tel Aviv to study under a long admired choreographer. Once she begins to see an actor's face at pivotal points in her life, she decides to quit the dance company and leave Tel Aviv.
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A dancer who admires a choreographer finally gets a chance to join the choreographer's company. She drops everything and moves to Tel Aviv to fulfill her dream. But after some time training with him, she realizes that her devotion to dancing and the company has become fanatical. She becomes disillusioned. After rehearsal, she usually sits on the couch to ice her ankle and watch movies at the same time. She watches everything with Jean-Louis Trintignant, then Louis Garrel, then Ingmar Bergman. After New Year's, she watches “Taste of Cherry”, which opens with the actor Homayoun Ershadi’s face. She becomes very affected by the image of Ershadi’s face. The company goes to Tokyo. While there, the narrator sees Ershadi. She tries to follow him through Tokyo, but he disappears. When she tries to research him, she can’t find anything. She feels as though she has fallen in love with him. When she returns to Tel Aviv, she tells her actor friend, Romi, what happened. Romi claims to have had the same experience several years earlier in London while grieving her father, who was dying of cancer. When her father’s health had taken a turn for the worse, the nurse had urged her to leave and see a film. Romi ended up seeing “Taste of Cherry” in a theater with only a few other audience members. Romi had walked out of the theater elated, and not long after, her father passed away. She stayed in London to handle his affects. She saw an ex, Mark, in order to feel some desire again through her depression. One night, after they had sex and Mark has fallen asleep, Romi had flipped through the TV channel and sees Ershadi’s face again, but it quickly disappeared as she continued scrolling. When she tried to go back through the channels, she couldn't find him. That night, the dancer goes home and starts sobbing. She becomes incredibly nauseous. She wakes up the next morning to Romi banging on the door, having returned after she got the feeling that something bad happened. Romi stays to comfort her. Shortly after, the dancer decides to quit the company and leave Tel Aviv. Life moves on. But one day, passing a cinema, she sees Ershadi’s face again, and sends a photograph and passionate letter to Romi. When Romi finally responds, it is a letter of realizations about both the movie and life in general.
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