To Be
By Barbara Grizzuti Harrison, first published in The Iowa Review
A failing friendship with another couple leads a community college teacher to leave the country.
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Plot Summary
Laura, an optimist, is talking to her friend Joel who is a pessimist. He says life is terrible, even though he has a good job, lots of nice possessions, and is happily married. His wife shares his generally pessimistic world view. Laura is secretly unhappy, depressed even, and is brought down by their insistence on secret cabals around the world holding everyone down. They refuse to help their downstairs neighbor who is being evicted, however, much less invite her up for dinner.
Laura and Joel teach at the same community college. Laura used to live in Rome for a while, before moving after being assaulted, and Joel considers this her cardinal sin defining her as privileged, even though she lived in worse condition than Joel does now in America.
Back home, she sees her teenage daughter who refuses to speak to her out of teen angst. Laura writes a list of her favorite things to clear her mind. Laura remembers the assault in Italy, how it happened only two years ago and prompted her return to the US. Joel had told her that the rape was a function of class oppression and that the men were taking out their anger at the system on her body which they perceived as a symbol. Laura, though not really happy with this response, was grateful in that it gave her the ability to not blame herself for the event.
Laura invites Joel and his wife over for dinner. Her daughter ignores everyone the entire time, reading at the table. Laura surprises everyone by saying she's going back to Italy. Everyone generally ignores her. Her daughter speaks up, but only to talk in riddles or half answer questions. Joel pulls Laura into a hallway and kisses her, then begs her not to go to Italy but she ignores him and goes back to the dining room. More chaos ensues, but Laura is happy.
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