Unsafe at Any Speed
By Laura Lee Smith, first published in New England Review
A morose middle-aged man's dull life is turned around when he gives a ride to a money-embezzling dental receptionist who's trying to skip out on her life.
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Theo Bitner has just turned 48. He lives with his wife Sherrill, his daughter Ashley, and his mother Bette in St. Augustine, Florida. This morning, he looks longingly at an ad he's printed from Craigslist for a '66 white Corvair. He climbs into his Dodge Caravan and heads out for his work as a dental equipment salesman. He drives up to Palatka, where his boss has instructed him to sell supplies to a dentist named Wainwright. Wainwright refuses to see Theo. Theo backs his car out of the dental office parking lot when he sees the receptionist in Wainwright's office walking quickly towards him. She asks him for a ride as she pulls open the passenger door of his Dodge. As they drive away, she tells him that she's just walked out of her job. They drive together for awhile—the receptionist, Stacey, doesn't seem to have anywhere to go—and Stacey tells Theo about her deadbeat boyfriend and asks him about the Corvair that interests him. They stop together to eat at a TGI Friday's north of Orlando, and Theo books them a room in the Ramada Inn next door. In the motel, Theo and Stacey sleep together. Afterward, Theo checks his cell phone and sees two missed calls and a voicemail from his wife, Sherrill. Before he can listen to the voicemail, he accidentally drops his phone into the toilet, and it breaks. Theo and Stacey get back on the freeway, and when Stacey has to pee, she leaves her handbag on the passenger seat while she runs into a mini-mart. Theo sees a thick envelope sticking out of the purse and looks inside of it, finding stacks and stacks of hundred dollar bills. When Stacey returns, she tells him that it's $70,000 worth of money that she's embezzled from the dentist's business. Back on the freeway again, Theo realizes he is speeding when a cop comes up behind him with his lights on. Freaking out about the possibility of getting pulled over with the illegal cash in hand, Theo zooms around traffic, down the off-ramp, around oncoming traffic, and back on the freeway, leaving the cop in the dust. Theo and Stacey strike a deal—Stacey pays for the used Corvair for Theo and Theo gives Stacey a ride up to Tampa where her mother lives. When they reach Tampa, Stacey tells Theo that he's a good man, and Theo watches as she walks away. Theo gets back on the freeway again and heads north, knowing he will have hell to pay when he gets home, but enjoying his Corvair and his music while he drives.
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