Off the Highway
By Ira Wolfert, first published in Esquire
When a salesman runs out of gas on a road in rural Pennsylvania, he is suddenly shot at by a farmer who thinks he is in a war.
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Plot Summary
A salesman hears the tap of a bullet against rock and the crack of a rifle. He lies flat against the earth, his heart pounding in fear. He can tell from the direction of the dust that the man shooting at him is to the south. He does not know how he got to where he is, except that he scrambled there in terror ten minutes ago. Thirty minutes prior, the man had run out of gasoline on a dirt road crossing scrub country in Pennsylvania. He had waited a long time for a car or person to come along while he read the newspaper. He decides that he does not want to wait anymore, so he saves the comics for his children and sets off walking to find a house to buy gas from. All of a sudden, the man hears a shot as he walks down the road. He hears more shots, and yells out asking what the shooter is doing, The bullets get closer and closer to the salesman, and he starts running down the road. The salesman scrambles up behind a ridge of stone. In his mind, he is panicking, and he yells out to the shooter again. He sees a man in blue overalls and a trench helmet wriggling along the ground towards him with a rifle. The salesman yells out again, asking what the shooter wants and saying that he has a family. There is no response. After waiting in silence for a few more minutes, the salesman yells out again, saying he will give the shooter anything and that he is a family man. The shooter yells back, "You're in the army now. You're not behind a plow. You son of a bitch. You'll never get rich. You're in the army now." The voice stops suddenly. The salesman decides that it is a nut that is shooting at him and that he must escape. The salesman decides that the cover is too thin to run, and that if he yelled for help then it would just force the shooter's hand, and help would come too late. He yells to the shooter again, saying that he just wants to go away and he will not tell anyone what happened. The shooter merely replies "You're in the army now." The salesman decides to try to converse with the shooter, and asks if he has a cigarette. The shooter responds that it is against regulations to fraternize with enemy troops. The salesman begins thinking about what would happen if he died, and how his wife and children would have no way to pay off their debts. He waits in silence for longer until he hears the whistle of the factory nearby, and he realizes that people will be starting home for lunch and will pass by ten feet from where he is lying. The salesman tries to decide if he should call out to any people that come, and he decides that he will yell and run. Suddenly, he hears footsteps, and two young schoolboys appear walking towards him. They do not see the salesman, and he decides that he will not yell because he does not want to drag them into this. All of a sudden, one of the boys is shot in the head. The other is shot in the neck right after, and he squeaks "Ma" as he dies. The salesman is panicked and feels sick. The shooter calls out to him, calling for him to "negotiate under a flag of truce for a full surrender," saying that he should not waste any more of his men. The salesman whimpers yes, then yells out that he surrenders. The shooter tells him to stand up, and the salesman walks out with his hands held up. The shooter emerges, looking grotesque. He is a middle-aged man, and he yells out instructions to different names, telling them to bring the prisoners to the depot and bring the receipt back to him right away. His darting eyes do not leave the salesman, until he turns around suddenly and whispers to remember that they put up a good fight, and that they are heroes in their own army and he does not want them killed. He turns back and says "all right, let's go," walking past the salesman without looking at him. He climbs over the ridge, walks across the field, and climbs under a barbed wire fence until he disappears down a roll of ground.