Safe Spaces
By Benjamin Nugent, first published in Paris Review
In the dead of winter and feverish with a coke addiction, a young college dropout wanders around her old university's campus and tries to reconnect with her former lesbian lover.
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Plot Summary
Claire is kicked out of her apartment for "falling behind on rent and hogging the XBox." During the next three weeks, she couch-surfs at multiple locations, while doing copious amounts of cocaine, which prevents her from sleeping. She spends one of these nights with Abby, her crush, though Claire can't look her in the eyes while they have sex. By Thanksgiving week, Claire runs out of places to stay. She snorts coke in a public library children's bathroom. During the consequent high, she becomes convinced that Abby is "the love of her life" and that she'll gladly host her. Although Abby's "puritanical" friends dislike Claire, she resolves to find Abby and ask for housing in person. She tracks Abby down at a Pride meeting at University of Massachusetts Amherst, the university that Claire dropped out of. The meeting is devoted to community grieving in the wake of Trump's election. Abby tells Claire that she will be at a Campus Progressives meeting that evening. At the Campus Progressives meeting, Claire downloads Signal, an encrypted messaging app used by activists. While student organizers discuss direct action plans, Claire tries, via Signal, to convince Abby to do coke. She is eventually thrown out of the meeting for texting. Claire wanders through the cold until she approaches the Delta frat house; over the shoulder of one of the Deltas, who is playing the videogame Bloodborne, Claire tries to sell him cocaine in exchange for a place to spend the night. She learns via Signal that Abby doesn't want to be contacted by her. Claire begins to cry. To distract herself, she asks to play Bloodborne. She is excellent at it, attracting the attention of the surrounding Deltas. As they ask her for strategy tips, she feels tired; she has not slept well in over a month, nor cried in a long time. While the Deltas murmur about videogame strategy, Claire falls asleep on the carpet.
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