Speaking of Courage
By Tim O'Brien, first published in The Massachusetts Review
An American veteran who watched his friend drown in a field of excrement in Vietnam drives in circles around the lake in his hometown ruminating on how he might have saved his friend, won a Silver Star for valor, and made his father proud.
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On the forth of July, Norman Bowker, an American veteran with traumatic memories from his station in Vietnam, drives in circles around the lake of his rural, American hometown, dwelling in his memories.
He thinks about Sally Kramer, who he dated in high school and who is married to another man now. He imagines showing up at her house and what their conversation would look like.
He thinks about Max Arnold, a high school friend he would have deep, philosophical talks with, who was never drafted because he drowned in the lake before the war could take him.
Norman's father is at home watching a baseball game on TV. Norman thinks, "If Sally had not been married, or if his father were not such a baseball fan, it would have been a good time to talk." So, he imagines talking to his father, in the car beside him. While he won seven other medals, Norman imagines telling his father about how he almost—but didn't—win the Silver Star for valor.
He thinks he could tell his war stories to the townspeople, but they wouldn't want to listen. He whispers to passing workmen, "Want to hear about the Silver Star I almost won?" but none of them look up.
He imagines telling the story to his father: how his friend Kiowa was drowning in a wet field of excrement in the rain while they were under fire. When Kiowa went under and the smell became too much for Norman, he let go. He is convinced he could've saved Kiowa if not for the smell.
He drives to order a burger over the intercom of a fast-food drive-in and the worker on the other end of the intercom uses military language as a joke, to which Norman responds in kind: "Out." After eating his food, he strangely goes back to the intercom to say he's done. He almost asks if the worker would like to hear about the war but backs out and resumes driving around the lake.
He imagines his father, who before he went off to war would only talk incessantly about all the medals he would win, telling him "Well, anyway, there's still seven medals" as a way of comforting him after his assertion that he could've saved Kiowa and won the Silver Star.
On his twelfth rotation around the lake, he stops the car and walks into the lake in his clothes. He watches the fireworks from there.
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