A Fugitive From the Mind
By Peggy Bennett, first published in Mademoiselle
The tragic loss of his childhood friend puts a boy on the path of religion - but his inner feelings remain as repressed and turbulent as they always were.
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Ezzie Bard's father is a deacon, and his town is heavily influenced by the preachers and their sermons on God's righteous wrath. But Ezzie does not care for these things just yet - he is only a boy, and what he knows is that his family is strict in their religious fervor and doesn't let him have fun in the way that young boys are meant to do. One day, he goes up to the mountainside with his friend Ben, and the two of them decide to race. Ben knows that Ezzie will win, a thought that makes him desperate for just one victory against a boy who is older and therefore 'superior.' He takes a shortcut and suffers a fatal fall. Ezzie sees Ben fall and is terribly scared; he searches for his friend and finds only a corpse. Ezzie runs home and tells his family the whole story in tears. A party goes out to recover the boy's body, and at the funeral, he can sense Ben's family gazing at him with silent hatred and blame. He wishes that he might have been killed alongside Ben, or at least injured so that they might forgive him, but as it stands, there is no relief to be had from the shame and guilt that he feels. Eventually his despair increases, and he feels alone and unloved. These turbulent emotions drive him to seek forgiveness from God, even though he did not care about the Church until now. Time passes, and he is regarded by his community as saintly - but privately, Ezzie knows that despite the 'forgiveness' he has attained, he is still a 'sheep' to the will of people who will not let him do what he wants.
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