Without Ellie
By Joan Silber, first published in In My Other Life
A woman guides her younger, mentally ill step-sister as she enters adulthood in New York City. But after a rowdy night at the bar, her step- sister goes missing.
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Plot Summary
Ellie faces severe bouts with mental illness. Ever since she was a teenager, Ellie has been to different psychiatrists, mental hospitals, and treatments, yet nothing has imbued her with the stability that her family so desperately desires for her. One night, Ellie walks into the bar owned by her step-sister’s boyfriend, Doug, where she finds the two of them working. Her step-sister is happy to see her, but worries about where the night will go with the unpredictable Ellie. Before long, she becomes too rowdy for the bar and has begun flashing people—her tell-tale sign of an impending breakdown. Her sister begins to lead her from the bar, trying to take her home, but Ellie proves too rowdy even for her. Traversing the streets of New York past midnight, Ellie takes off sprinting. Her sister’s immediate reaction is to chase her down, but facing exhaustion from work, her boyfriend, and her family en masse, she decides against it. Before long, Ellie’s figure has disappeared, but her sister comforts herself, knowing that Ellie’s place is only a few blocks away. Her sister calls her home phone that night, and when she gets no answer, she keeps calling, but to no avail. Then, her step-father gives her a call, letting her know that the police discovered Ellie’s body that morning in a parking lot after a grizzly rape and murder. Riddled with guilt, her sister is thrown into a tumultuous few weeks, eventually quitting the bar and ending her relationship. She throws herself into avenging Ellie with the help of her step-dad and Ellie’s mother, trying to exalt herself of guilt over not running to Ellie. After a year of dead-ends, even she decides that nothing can fix her mistake and that it is time to move on.
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