The Man Who Rowed Christopher Columbus Ashore
By Harlan Ellison, first published in Omni
A mysterious man able to travel through time and space on a whim has a simple job: he must do one good deed every day. What exactly a "good deed" is, however, remains unclear; the bolder his interference becomes, the less sure he is that he's leaving the world better off.
Author
Published in
Year
Words
Genres
Plot Summary
Levendis, a full-grown man, begins the month of October dressed as an Explorer Scout, in which guise he helps an old woman across the street. The next day, he sits in an eminent Boston psychoanalyst's office and, to the latter's consternation, swears that his entire mouth is vanishing. The third of October sees him engineer a new friendship between two lonely people in a supermarket, and he spends the rest of the week exhuming the remains of Noah's Ark, preventing environmental disasters, kicking cats, and other such things. Highlights of the following week include creating a toenail-based cure for bone marrow cancer, solving a three-year-old's murder, and, at Buchenwald in 1945, crying over a death pit as a photographer documents the scene. As he leaves for another time and place, he whispers the Russian word сердце, meaning "soul." Needless to say, he takes the next day off. The next week, he starts fresh, using his infinite knowledge of his actions' consequences for the future and the millions of portals to do good deeds throughout space and time. As he tells an Ionian orphan, he is an unlimited person in a limited world. Throughout the next week, he brutally murders three skinheads, sues Major League Baseball to allow women to play, and more. On October 21, Levendis saves a prostitute from rape in 1892 New York City, after which he takes her to dinner, gives her a penicillin shot, and leaves her $100. If he had never come, she would have died in two years. Because of him, she will live a long, happy, love-filled life. Afterward, he becomes bolder, correcting U.S. history books, trying and failing to reveal that Marilyn Monroe killed John F. Kennedy, and returning an abducted child. The consequences of his good works are often anything but, though, as when raising every human's IQ by 40 points causes him to quickly lower it again—by 42. Is he acting ethically? What constitutes a "good" intervention, and how is he to predict his actions' effects? In the next few days, he creates a snowstorm that protects Tibet from Chinese tyranny and then makes all dogs polyglots and poets. By this point, however, his supervisors have had enough of Levendis's heavy-handed interference. As punishment, he is promptly reassigned. His new name? Cердце.
Tags