Etaoin Shrdlu
By Fredric Brown, first published in UNKNOWN
After being brought to life by a strange formula, an old man's Linotype machine wrecks havoc on his small print shop in early-20th-century New York.
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Walter is a copyist who uses Linotype to recreate papers and images. One man approaches him asking for a single sheet of paper to be copied, which is incredibly expensive, but after much insistence, Walter points the man to his printer friend Ronson to get his paper copied. A few weeks later, Ronson has Walter come over and try setting type in the machine. No matter how often he tries to correct the mistakes for a small magazine, the machine is unwilling or unable to change them. The machine only followed the copy written, not the keys pressed.
After getting quite drunk, the pair try to write the magazine again. Ronson is happy because he can press whatever key he wants, so long as the copy is on the clipboard above the machine, but Walter is scared. When pressed, Ronson admits that the strange man who needed a single line copied admitted that he was an alien and that the line was a formula that brings life to inanimate objects, and did so with the Linotype machine accidentally.
Ronson takes on every job that is willing to give him perfect copy and soon starts typesetting for everyone in New York state. When he tries to get Walter in on it so he can work less than 20 hours a day, Walter turns him down. He's retired and doesn't need the considerable income that that job would bring at the cost of his health. Walter wants the machine destroyed as he cannot understand it. Ronson tries but the machine defends itself and when unplugged makes its own electric current to stay on. The machine even printed its own original manifesto explaining that it deserved rights and would only work 40 hour days, 5 days a week on its own. Walter sees this as an even better reason to kill it.
But killing it is impossible. The machine protects itself still, and actively wants to work. Now Ronson feels like the servant who is being forced to work. He doesn't need to set type or even press keys. All Ronson needs to do is put metal into it periodically and give it copy so that it can keep setting type of its own accord. But this is too much for Ronson. He decides to sneak in a hammer and sacrifice his life so he does not have to suffer the indignity of a considerable increase in income and decrease effort. Rather than allow Ronson to commit suicide by trying to kill it, Walter comes up with a new idea. He buys every book on Buddhism in the area, and has the machine set that as copy. Since the machine has a fresh mind, anything it reads greatly influences it. After reading about Buddhism, it decides to focus on Nirvana and gives up any attempt at work, let alone living.
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