Travelogue
By Ring W. Lardner, first published in The Cosmopolitan
A man meets two women on a train and is occupied by the talkative one, but enamored by the quiet one.
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Plot Summary
Dan Chapman meets two women on a train to San Francisco. The first woman is a quiet one named Mildred, and the second is a very talkative and excited woman named Hazel. Chapman asks where the women are headed and Hazel answers with Frisco and then Los Angeles, but says that she has gone before. Chapman tries to flaunt that he used to do dangerous things when he was a kid, but Hazel says she did too. Chapman begins to ask Hazel if she has been to certain places, and she says yes to all of them: giving a story for each one. She repeats a lot of things in each story, especially the fact that she has a friend named Bess who was engaged to a man, but married a different man. Chapman tries to get in a story about how he got his tooth pulled and he didn’t take any gas, but Hazel doesn’t seem to hear him over her own story about getting a tooth pulled. Mildred is quiet the whole time and seems like an outsider to the conversation, never having traveled anywhere. She falls asleep and Chapman remarks at how pretty she is. Hazel partially agrees, but says that she has a baby face and that most men find her uninteresting. They continue on their train trip and Chapman tells the women when to turn their watches back. Chapman keeps trying to tell Hazel the story about getting his tooth pulled, but she won’t listen. Hazel continues to tell many stories about her travels in the coming days and Mildred decides to excuse herself from their conversation, feeling like she can’t contribute to it. The next day Hazel says that Mildred was feeling sick and so she is remaining in the car. Chapman visits her without Hazel and asks to get breakfast with her the next day alone. Chapman begins to ask Mildred questions, who is surprised to see his interest in her. He then tells her his story about getting his tooth pulled and says that he will call her when she gets to San Francisco when she is not with Hazel.