Shit Happens
By Michael Marshall Smith, first published in The Devil and The Deep
An employee of a tech company attends the yearly business conference on a boat only to be one of just a few individuals who remain unaffected by a mysterious illness.
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Rick Millerson arrives in California for a conference. The conference is being held on a ship that has been transformed into a hotel and is for the employees at a big technology corporation. Rick arrives a day early and immediately proceeds to drink, smoke, and become acquainted with the others who have arrived thus far. He meets a man named Pete who shows him around the ship. Fog sets in and Rick heads to the bathroom. He hears a man in the other stall make odd, growling noises. A horrible smell fills the bathroom. Rick asks if he is okay. The man explains he has pain, like something squeezing his guts. He says his name is Carl. People bang on the door. Rick says it is occupied and they go away.
Rick receives a call from his PA, Shannon. He doesn’t answer. Shannon calls again and tells him he needs to get away from the ocean. Rick is confused. He looks at Twitter. There is something wrong with the ocean that is harming people. People outside scream and bang on the door. Pete calls Rick and asks him where he is; Rick responds that he is in the john. Peter says that is a good thing. Rick flips between the two phone calls. Shannon tries to give him information and encourage him to get off of the boat; Peter tells John what is going on outside the bathroom, on the boat. Peter says the girl he was with tried to bite his face off; he also says he thinks there is burning coming from the city. Peter hears Carl and asks who is in the bathroom with Rick. Rick says it is Carl, who has gastrointestinal problems. Peter says he needs to get out right away as the girl he was with, Inka, had her entire stomach give out before she felt better and tried to attack Peter. Carl makes a sound and there is blood everywhere in his stall and on the ceiling. He says he feels better. Carl opens the door and starts to come after Rick. Rick flips to the other phone line and Shannon says she is driving to get him. Rick flips back to Peter who says they should meet on the boat and try to escape.
Rick leaves the bathroom and ventures towards the main walkway to meet Peter and escape. After he fights off several people, Rick makes it to the main reception area, where he sees Peter. They make it out of the area and wonder why they are not affected. They disregard the question and think about what they should do. They get off the boat and decide to hide somewhere until Rick’s PA shows up. The city is on fire and military personnel fire guns into the ocean. Men, presumably infected, start to chase Rick and Peter. Rick and Peter joke that it is the end of the world and that no one will be mad that Rick had to release bad news about the company later during the conference.
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