Pan Is Dead
By Amina Gautier, first published in At-Risk: Stories
A sister and her half-brother are suspicious when the boy's father, who was a heroin addict, returns home for a visit. The father's relapse throws their relationship into chaos, but then he bestows a unique gift on the children before he leaves.
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Plot Summary
A young girl describes the situation when her family receives letters from a man, Blue, asking to see his son, Peter. He is a former heroine addict who dropped out of high school; the children's mother at first refuses to read the letters, but later gives in, as she once loved Blue. She invites him to the house for dinner. Peter is immensely gifted and has tested into a special private school after skipping two grades, but this upsets his mother, as he is so smart that she does not know how to relate to him or understand his world. After Blue leaves, Peter and his half sister brush their teeth. The sister reveals that her father is dead, but she is fascinated with Blue because he is alive. Blue came into the picture before her mother even met her father. Peter reveals that he doesn't believe Blue came back specifically for him. He shows his sister one of the man's letters, which is actually very romantic and addressed to the kids' mother. One night, Blue returns and begs to be allowed to sleep on the floor, claiming that he can't be out on the streets. He appeals to the fact that the mother used to be in love with him, so she relents and lets him sleep in the house. She used to work as a medical assistant and smuggled him hypodermic needles so that he could use drugs safely. As he stays with the family, she begins to feel joyful again. Blue takes the kids for a ride in the car one day and buys some drugs from a man on the street, then disappears. He eventually returns and takes them home. Their mother is livid because she had no idea where they all were. The family goes to an awards ceremony at Peter's new school to celebrate his acceptance, but Blue and the kids' mother are both drunk. Peter resents Blue for relapsing and doing drugs again, and after the ceremony, he mouths off and tells Blue that he is not his father. He claims that his mother doesn't want to be involved with a drug addict. Peter blames Blue for his mother's drunkenness at the event. Back at home, Peter tells his sister that he will take care of her when he is a successful adult. The sister watches as Blue packs up and prepares to leave. He gives her some glow-in-the-dark star stickers that he'd intended to give to Peter. Peter understands that this was an expensive purchase, meaning that Blue had to give up a fix of drugs. He puts the stickers all over his ceiling.