Herself
By James Pooler, first published in Story Magazine
A woman's obsession with her childhood reflection leads her sailor husband to gift her a full-length mirror that changes the family’s dynamics.
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Plot Summary
A dagger-shaped splinter of her mother’s looking glass hangs over the washbowl in Conna May Gallagher’s kitchen. It was the largest piece left after the great mirror shattered. Pat uses the glass when he comes home to make sure all the black soot from the engine room is off his face. She remembers how her first child, who had died young, had looked into the mirror and smiled at his reflection. When her next two children come, she uses the mirror to spot similarities in their features and at night she lies in bed with them and listens for the sound of The Kattie’s whistle to know when Pat was returning home.
Her father drowned in a big blow in Lake Michigan and she remembers standing in front of the complete mirror as a child and admiring her new dress. She wonders if she is right-handed or left-handed and finds that when she plucks her dress with her right arm, her reflected self does the same action with her left and she is unsure which girl is real. During her and Pat’s long courtship, they sometimes stop in front of the glass and he looks into her reflected eyes. Pat walks into the house wearily and perks up at the smell of dinner. They only have an hour together each day and they use this time to catch up. Sometimes, Conna May voices that she would like a mirror like the one her mother gave them before it broke. He says that they will get a new glass when they can afford it. Conna May looks through their finances one day and tells Pat that they have enough money to spare for a new mirror and asks him to buy one if his ship goes out to Charlevoix. When the day comes, Pat goes to the furniture store where Lagensen sells him a mirror for $12.62 and Pat tells him to wrap it well because there may be rough weather on the ride back. He carries the mirror to the ship and asks his captain to steer across the seas where there is slow but placid water instead of in the fast-moving but choppy parts. Conna May meets Pat at the dock and when they get home they place the mirror on the table and wait to open it in the morning when the children are awake.
In the morning, they ripped off the boards and paper and none of them took a long look when the mirror was put against the wall. But, after Pat goes to work and the children to school, Conna May stands in front of the glass and sees herself and adjusts her hair, her feet positions, and her shirt sleeves. She wishes she had a picture of the young girl in the new dress she remembers seeing in the mirror. When Pat comes home, he finds that Conna May has washed and fluffed her hair and wound it in neat coils. Conna May notices more neatness in Bid and less bashfulness in Francie and believes that it’s helping the family. They decide to move the mirror eventually into the children’s room and sometimes when she comes in to mak their bed or scrub the floor, she faces herself.