How's Your Vacuum Cleaner Working?
By Emily Arnold McCully, first published in The Massachusetts Review
A depressed and suicidal middle-aged woman is about to take her own life — when vacuum cleaner salesmen come knocking on her door. Before long, she finds herself knee-deep in a thrilling affair.
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Plot Summary
A middle-aged woman is writing a letter addressed to her friend Miriam. The letter describes the reasons why the woman is going to kill herself on that day: mainly because of her domineering, overbearing husband James, who has continued to make her feel small and worthless throughout their marriage. She is preparing a final meal for herself when a car enters the driveway and two men come knocking at her door. One of them asks if she needs any vacuum cleaner bags, then goes on to inquire about the state of her vacuum cleaner itself. She’s suspicious that this may be a scam, but she lets the two men in and allows them to look over her vacuum cleaner anyway. Upon observing the duo more closely, she infers that the younger one is a rookie salesman being trained by the older man. The two give the woman’s vacuum cleaner a thorough checkup and tell her what she needs to do to get it working better. During a break, the younger salesman approaches the woman in her kitchen. He informs her that he is actually a rock singer, and only in the vacuum selling job so he can earn enough money to go off and start a band. He flirts with the woman for a moment, telling him that he likes her and asking if she will be home that night. She hesitates at first, but the two ultimately make plans to rendezvous at her home later. She will have to get rid of her husband somehow. The perfect opportunity presents itself when the woman discovers that woodchucks have eaten most of the crops in the garden, many of which she was planning to harvest and use for dinner. James offers to go out and shoot some woodchucks and she approves of the idea. She hurriedly puts the children to sleep and the vacuum cleaner salesman arrives, rushing in to have sex with the woman. After the deed is done, the woman rushes him out, knowing that James is right outside with a gun and he would most likely shoot the man dead. Having long forgotten about her plan to kill herself, the woman climbs into bed, thinking about what she is going to cook James for breakfast the next day.
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