All of This Is Water
By David Ebenbach, first published in Coolest American Stories 2022
Through the death of David Foster Wallace, a man considers the relationship with his brother.
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Plot Summary
On the way to meet his brother, the man hears on the car radio that David Foster Wallace has committed suicide. The news strikes him so much that he accidentally rear-ends the car in front of him. Quickly, the other driver assesses the damage and finds nothing wrong. When the man asks him about David Foster Wallace, however, the other driver gets upset and walks away. Back in his car, the man reminisces about attending his brother’s graduation at Kenyon College in the year David Foster Wallace gave the commencement speech there. He recalls his difficult of a time his brother had in college and fears that hearing such news will trigger him.
The man gets to Union Station and walks over to the coffee shop where his brother is. While walking, he thinks about how his brother was hospitalized and put into a psych ward during some of his time in college. Eventually, he sees his brother and his brother’s boyfriend, whom he meets for the first time. They talk for a little, and the man learns that the boyfriend, like them, is from Washington, as he is Finnish and has parents who worked in the Finnish embassy. Briefly, the man mentions the brand-new Finnish embassy nearby, to which the brother says that they should all visit.
After grabbing some food to-go, the man drives his brother and his brother’s boyfriend to the Finnish embassy. They talk some more: the man talks about working at the Institute for Poverty Research, and the boyfriend talks about moving to New York to become a web designer after growing up in Washington. The man decides to keep the car radio off, as he doesn’t want his brother to find out about David Foster Wallace’s death.
In the embassy, the three meet a Finnish woman who introduces them to the Finnish embassy’s photograph collection. The brother nudges his boyfriend, hoping that he’ll share more about his background, but he doesn’t. Down at the photograph collection, they all look at photos taken of girls in a children’s home in Finland. The man is half-looking at the photos and half-looking at his brother, who is walking through the exhibit with his boyfriend.
After some time, the Finnish woman returns and asks them how they’re doing. She also gives them a bag of swag pertaining to the photograph collection. Eventually, the brother tells her about his boyfriend’s roots to the Finnish embassy, which causes an awkward moment, as the boyfriend reveals that his parents have a strained relationship with the other Finnish ambassadors. Right away, the man gestures for them all to leave. At the top of the stairs where a balcony is, the brother takes the bag of swag and lets it fall over the railing. The Finnish woman confronts them about what just happened, and they hurriedly leave.
At the brother’s proposal, the man drives his car to an Ethiopian restaurant. On the way there, the brother tries to get his boyfriend to say more about his parents, but he doesn’t. The brother then turns on the car radio, but the man awkwardly tries to get him to turn it off. They bicker back and forth for a little, but the brother eventually realizes what he’s trying to do. Calmly, he says that he already knows what happened.
At the Ethiopian restaurant, the three sit down and eat calmly in a homely setting. The man feels like there’s an atmosphere of mourning all around, both because of David Foster Wallace and also the strange events that have happened today. When he looks at his brother, he knows that he knows about what happened to David Foster Wallace even without saying it. He feels okay that he can handle such devastating news.
From then on, the man would stay close with his brother, even as the years oscillate from highs and lows, though the boyfriend doesn’t stay for long. Eventually, the man is told by his brother that there’s nothing he can do to prevent him from committing suicide. Since his brother’s death, the man still thinks back to the day that David Foster Wallace died, as it remains an unforgettable time to him in which he and his brother for once saw eye to eye.
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