Pain Was My Portion
By Beth Harvor, first published in Hudson Review
In 1970s Massachusetts, a fourteen-year-old girl finds her first friend in a woman struggling with breast cancer and nearing the end of her life.
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Plot Summary
Ralph and Gladdie, a married couple living in Massachusetts, spend many days among the gravestones of United Empire Loyalists at the Kingston cemetery, researching as a part of the Hampton Historical Society, which is an organization they helped found. One day, they find a verse on one of the gravestones that they like, and it reads: PAIN WAS MY PORTION / PHYSIC WAS MY FOOD / CHRIST WAS MY PHYSICIAN / WHICH DID ME NO GOOD. Ralph and Gladdie have one daughter named Marian, who has many childhood memories of eating lunch at the cemetery with her parents. Despite having horrendous eyesight, Marian despises glasses, and because of her mother’s intense emphasis on people’s “character” and “naturalness,” Marian does not have many friends. The kids in Boston are natural but have no character, so Marian spends most of her time with her parents. As the years pass, however, the family begins to spend less time in the cemetery. During the summer Marian is fourteen, a woman named Esther Abrams comes to visit. She is the sister of one of Ralph and Gladdie’s friend Helen, who also joins the trip and had written that Esther had breast cancer and only had up to five months to live. As such, Ralph and Gladdie are determined to show Esther a good time, and Gladdie explains the situation to Marian, urging her to act naturally. The family soon finds that Esther is vivacious and charismatic, and they spend their days on trips, picnics, and bonfires. Marian becomes especially fond of Esther and is curious about her condition, but Gladdie thinks to herself that her daughter is starting to look pale. A few days before Esther and Helen leave, they go on a short trip with Marian to see the old Merritt-Wetmore house, which once belonged to one of the first Loyalist families in the area. They have tea at the house, and then Marian decides to show them the cemetery her parents used to research at since it is close by. Upon arriving home, Marian realizes it was insensitive to have taken Esther to the cemetery, and there is a tense atmosphere when Esther and Helen finally leave. After being put on a new drug, Esther does not actually die within five months. However, a few months later, her health weakens again, and by the next summer, Gladdie opens a letter from Helen, who says that Esther has passed away. When she breaks the news to her daughter, Marian does not cry at all and finds that she cannot remember what Esther looks like. Gladdie and Ralph try to distract their daughter, but Gladdie is disappointed at Marian’s lack of emotion. That night, however, after saying good night to her mother, Marian gets undressed and feels a searing pain in her throat once she is alone.