Alone
By Yiyun Li, first published in The New Yorker
A young Chinese woman has just been divorced by her husband and wonders what her next stage in life will be. However, her dark past makes her wonder if her life is worth living, until she meets an older gentleman.
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Suchen, a Chinese woman living in America, is staying in a resort town. She and her husband had rented a cottage for a couple of months. However, when her husband returned to China, as he usually did for work, he divorced her, and Suchen accepted the divorce. She knew it occurred because of her lack of passion in life, her desire to leave her culture behind, and the trauma of a horrible accident when she lived in China. The tragedy occurred when she was thirteen, but she's never revealed the truth to anybody. Instead, she only tells people that five girls died in a boating accident and that he was the only survivor. After the divorce, Suchen stays in the resort town since she still has the cottage. She goes to a restaurant and meets an older man named Walter. Walter appears lonely and tries to get to know her, but Suchen is despondent. As Walter tries to converse with her, she begins making plans in her head about what she will do now that her husband is gone. She plans to leave the cottage after a month and drive to the ferry. Suchen will leave her identification in the car and disappear. She doesn't feel sad as her dark past has caused her to lose all connection to her family. Her parents are dead, and her two siblings are intimidated by her after the accident. Suchen remains aloof throughout the conversation until Walter finally reveals that his wife died a year ago from an illness. Suchen finally pays attention to what the older man is saying. Walter tells her that his wife asked for a divorce two times when she was sick, but he refused. Walter's confession influences Suchen's decision to reveal what happened when she was thirteen. She explains that she and five friends had created a suicide pack. They got drunk and rowed a boat to the middle of the lake. None of the girls knew how to swim, and they dove into the water. Suchen also dove in but decided to hold onto an oar last second and pull herself to safety. Suchen reveals that she's never told anybody this. Additionally, after the accident, her parents moved to another town and forced all their children never to speak a word about what happened. She also says that the girls' parents hate her as they believe that she is the cause for why their children are dead. Walter asks why they would do such a thing, and Suchen says she doesn't know. But she does: privately, she recalls that the girls believed they would go to another dimension. She doesn't tell Walters this. Walters grows silent, and Suchen wonders if he will still invite her to do activities. She also reflects on her future decisions and feels satisfied with leaving the cottage, going on the ferry, leaving her belongings in the car, and disappearing. It is heavily implied that she will kill herself.
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