Color and Light
By Sally Rooney, first published in The New Yorker
A solitary young hotel clerk finds himself enticed by a mysterious, sophisticated writer. Both desire intimacy, but find their romance obstructed by unspeakable kinds of loneliness.
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Plot Summary
Life is stagnant, at a dead-end for Aidan, a young single man living in a nameless seaside town. He has lived there, for most of his life, and worked as a hotel clerk for more than a decade since he was a teenager. His mother dies before the story opens, but Aidan finds himself unable to think of it, unable to move forward or backward, that is, until, an enticing, mysterious woman named Pauline comes into town.
Pauline, a screenwriter, enters his life via his older brother Declan, who appears to be her boyfriend, her chauffeur, her confidant? It's unclear to Aidan what the relationship between his brother and Pauline is, but he finds himself attracted to her aura of flirtatious nonchalance nonetheless.
Unbeknownst to Aidan, Pauline is attracted to him too. Under fireworks, they share that they are both somehow at odds with life, both lonely in different ways — he in the absence of love, her in the excess of attention. Both desire true emotional intimacy. Both have been unable to have it. But when Pauline invites him to her house, reveals off-handedly that she thought he had liked her, that she liked him — Aidan fumbles, turns around, and leaves her alone.
The encounter perplexes Aidan. Why did he flee? Why was he afraid? He sees her a week later with another man. They enter the hotel and ask for a room. Lying, he tells them they have no room in the hotel; but he also makes no effort to keep Pauline. Attracted and repelled, he does nothing, watching her leave in a taxi, and leave his life forever.
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