The Golden Honeymoon
By Ring W. Lardner, first published in The Cosmopolitan
An elderly couple takes a vacation to Florida to celebrate their anniversary. An unexpected encounter with a former beau leads to a week of hijinks and humorous miscommunications.
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Plot Summary
Charley and Lucy have been married for fifty years. Lucy, who Charley affectionately calls “Mother,” often chides him for talking too much. For their anniversary, their daughter and son-in-law gift them a trip to sunny St. Petersburg, Florida. On a January afternoon, they embark on the long train trip down south. Once they arrive, Lucy and Charley get settled in their lodging. They fill their vacation days with Rotary Club meetings, card games, and movie theater outings. One day, while Charley is playing checkers in the park, Lucy strikes up a conversation with a fellow vacationer. The woman's husband approaches, and Lucy immediately recognizes him as Frank Hartsell, the man to whom she was engaged before she married Charley. They strike up a friendly chat and reminisce on their past. Noticing his former nemesis, Charley heads over to nip the reunion in the bud. His usual friendliness poorly conceals his jealousy. For the next few days, the couples engage in sports, games, and other pastimes. Charley is always reluctant to spend time with Frank and his chatterbox wife, but Lucy insists that they be polite. One day, Charley beats Frank at a game of checkers. The two geezers get into an argument, and Charley makes a jab about Frank losing Lucy all those years ago. Lucy tries to diffuse the situation, but the Hartsells leave. She scolds Charley, who snidely insinuates that she wishes she’d married Frank. She agrees—maybe then she would have a husband who could hold his tongue. Days later, the two reconcile and apologize for their remarks. After a long stay in St. Petersburg, Lucy and Charley happily return home, grateful for fifty years of love.
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