Paper Poppy
By Miriam Rugel, first published in The Kenyon Review
A middle-aged woman living in the suburbs reflects on three moments in her life that have made her question her understanding of love and sexuality — meeting an expectation-defying girl in her youth, attending a bodybuilding competition with her family, and watching her hairdresser transform into a different person.
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Plot Summary
Mrs. H., a well-off, middle-aged woman living in the suburbs in the 1960s, looks back at significant moments from her past. When she was eighteen in the 1930s, she spent an evening with a girl named Katherine, whose parents were worried she would not be conventionally successful. They wanted Katherine to be more like Mrs. H., who was already engaged to be married. Mrs. H. has forgotten most of the evening, but she remembers the way that Katherine took on a masculine role, walking on the roadside of the sidewalk and paying for things. At the end of the evening, Katherine put a hand on Mrs. H.'s necklace of pearls and neck and innocently gave her a parting kiss. In the years to come, Katherine remained unsuccessful except in her work as a marine biologist. The second memory of Mrs. H.'s is from an evening at the health club to which she and her family belonged. Every August, the club put on a bodybuilding contest for members to show off their improvement over the summer. Mrs. H. sat in the audience with her husband and two sons. She had not really been interested in going, but was glad that her husband enjoyed himself. As the evening drew on, however, the competitiveness of the night increased, and Mrs. H. noticed that her husband was no longer the tender man that she married, but he was instead enthralled by the macho displays of masculinity. In that moment, Mrs. H. felt repulsed. Lastly, Mrs. H. remembers Mister Robert, her hairdresser of twenty years. Mister Robert was once a very reticent man who worked quietly but skillfully. After losing both his dog and his mother in a short period of time, however, he began to express himself more, dressing and acting more flamboyantly. He became interested in domestic affairs after buying a small house with the inheritance from his mother's passing. At this time, Mrs. H.'s hair never looked better. She began to give him gifts for the holidays, including a pullover from a fancy new men's boutique. Mister Robert dyed his hair so that it looked golden, making him look attractive and youthful. He took more care in his appearance than usual and talked more and more of dieting. Around this time, wigs were coming into fashion. One day, Mrs. H. thought of trying on an auburn wig, but it was after her hair had already been finished. Mister Robert offered to try it on for her and he put it on, shocking her and impelling her to leave. That evening, while she was out with her husband, they saw a couple on the street. When they got closer, they saw a drag queen —who reminded Mrs. H. of Mister Robert, but she convinced herself it was not him — walking with an older man. After this, Mrs. H. noticed that her hairdresser's health and his quality of work began to decline, but she was worried more about his health. He was getting thinner and could no longer handle the heat of the studio. She also noticed that he was losing clients. The second to last time Mrs. H. saw him was in a park, where Mister Robert had set up a picnic on the grass. He got up and greeted her, but they were joined by a man — the same one Mrs. H. had seen while out with her husband — so Mrs. H. left. She suspected that they were romantically involved. After missing her next two hair appointments, Mrs. H. saw Robert one last time. She had to take an early appointment slot because Mister Robert had been leaving early on account of his health. When she got there, his coworkers told her that he was going to take a vacation soon. Mrs. H. expressed her concern for his health and offered to let him stay at her beach place, but Mister Robert declined. She left after that, regretful that she didn't offer more help. She never saw him again. Haunted by Mister Robert, Mrs. H. realizes that she loved him, or at least his beautiful face in the auburn wig. She thinks that she married the wrong husband when she was too young, and that she really desires what she felt nearly forty years prior: the feeling of Katherine's hand on her pearls.
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