Martyr
By Martha Foley, first published in Story Magazine
A young girl wants to be a religious saint and tries to figure out what kind of sacrifice will be big enough for God to make her one.
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Plot Summary
On a hot Boston summer day, a young girl named Emily talks to her friend, Edna, about her dreams of becoming a saint and having visions of God. Edna is playing a game with stones and Emily rocks back and forth, slightly uncomfortable as there is sandpaper in her clothing. Edna asks Emily about her dream and Emily explains that she hopes to have visions someday, but that she can only find visions through suffering. This is why she put sandpaper in her pants. Edna retorts and says she'd rather wait until heaven to see God, but Emily talks about how people aren't guaranteed to go to heaven unless they're a saint. Edna responds by saying she'll pray instead. Emily stands up, uncomfortable because of the sandpaper. She thinks about how she doesn't have enough money to buy a comfortable pair of clothing, but that she wants to buy some once she gets her Christmas money, which is far from now. Emily finds Edna's constant nonchalant attitude and playing to be disgraceful because it is not holy. Emily then walks away to go pray and fast, careful to not let the sandpaper slip from her clothing. She finds the attempt somewhat embarrassing because the way Emily holds the sandpaper to her clothing looks like she forgot to use the restroom. She remembers when she was younger and couldn't hold her pee in and she was caught by her teacher playing hookey. However, Emily had done that because she was too embarrassed to return to the classroom so she had stayed outside and looked through the big storefront window of a shop called Cunningham's that sold candy. Emily walks to her backyard and sees the local cat, Heliotrope, walking along the fence. Emily pretends that Heliotrope is a lion in the wilderness and that she had to be sneaky and go around the lion. Emily thinks of herself as a martyr and that many martyrs of the past had lions in their lives. Emily then hears a woman named Delia washing dishes in her kitchen. Emily quietly crawls into her hideout, which is through a hole and behind the back steps of the house. Inside, Emily prays. While Emily prays, she thinks about how next time she returns to her hideout, she'll bring a shovel and dig. She also thinks about asking Mr. Cunningham if he can get more of the candy she likes. Then Emily thinks about the other tasks of saints. She decides to not ask Delia for food, even though she is hungry, because saints are known to fast. She prays more and determines that she needs more of a sacrifice than just torturing herself with the sandpaper. As Emily crawls out of her hideout, her brother and his friends see her and ask what she was doing. Emily feels guilty, but lies and says she lost a toy she was playing with. Her brother's friends, the Hermans, are Protestants and she doesn't like them much. However, one of them, Walter, explains that he just found a religious medal on the ground. Emily, wanting it, bargains with Walter and she claims he is going to hell. He threatens to tell her mother what she said. Eventually, she pays for the medal with 3 cents, which is the money she was going to use for her ice cream. With her new religious medal, Helen goes back to her hideout and prays to see a vision.