What I Didn't See
By Karen Joy Fowler, first published in Sci Fiction
A group of American explorers and scientists in Africa, including two women, venture into the wild looking for gorillas. When one of the women goes missing, their native guides quit their jobs, and the men lead a slaughter of the gorillas, the other woman wonders if the first woman disappeared into the world of the gorillas by choice, to escape the confines of her life with men.
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A woman accompanies her husband, Eddie, an arachnid fanatic, and a group of other explorers - Archer, the leader; Russell; Trenton; Wilmet; Marion; and Beverly, Marion's girlfriend and the only other woman - into the jungle of Africa to hunt Gorillas. The protagonist learns that she and the other woman are there because Archer wants them to kill a gorilla to make killing a gorilla "as exciting as shooting a cow" and thereby dissuade male explorers and save the gorillas. Marion approaches her and says he heard that a native woman carried off by a gorilla had been menstruating and that attracted the gorilla. He asks the protagonist to teach Beverly NOT to attract gorillas. The protagonist reflects on how they both assume she is weak-willed and will agree to their respective schemes. The protagonists takes little note of their native guides. She had a conversation with Beverly where Beverly says Burunga says they'll never see the gorillas clothed. The protagonist doesn't know who Burunga is. Beverly expresses dissatisfaction with Marion, who keeps using the fact that he "paid [her] way" there to pressure her into shooting an ape. She notes that the protagonist still seems to be in love with Eddie, "after all these years." The protagonist answers yes, and Beverly says, "Then you'd best keep him. The protagonist plays bridge with Eddie, Russell, and Wilmet. The men discuss a number of misogynistic and racist theories, accepted as the leading scientific theories at the time. The protagonist becomes annoyed and tunes them out. Then Wilmet, on her team, makes a bad move and blames her. She retorts back then breaks down, bursting into tears. As she leaves, she hears her husband apologize for her, which angers her. She takes a gun and goes into the jungle alone. She sees a gorilla, strips naked, and follows it. She finds a family of gorillas. They seem human and she decides not to shoot them. When she returns, she finds out Beverly has gone missing. All their native employees quit, and she's sent back with them while the men stay and search. One says something about Beverly to her, but she can't understand it. She learns later from her husband that while she waited for the men they slaughtered many, many gorillas. Her husband confesses he led the slaughter, not wanting the party to turn their accusatory attention to the natives. Back in America, her husband refuses to speak about it again until he dies, and he's never the same. The narrator, reading in later years about Jane Goodall and other female scientists who chose to live among apes, wonders if the women who disappeared among the gorillas, including Beverly, did so as a choice.
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