Oceanic
By Greg Egan, first published in Asimov's Science Fiction
A recent religious convert struggles with his life and actions, feeling constantly watched as he explores his identity, romantic interests, and education.
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A boy named Martin lies in his bunk on a ship when his brother, Daniel wakes him up. Daniel asks Martin if he believes in God and Martin explains that he does. God is a woman referred to as Her and God's daughter is named Beatrice. Martin does not consider himself very devout, but he knows that Daniel does since he joined the Deep Church last summer. Their parents and family have always been Transitional. Their mom was wary of Daniel's conversion, but their father didn't seem to mind--encouraging his independence.
Daniel often spends his time teaching Martin about his religion. Daniel asks Martin why he believes in God. Martin explains that someone had to have guided the Angels from Earth to where they live and that individual has to be God. Martin questions him on the existence of Angels and about Beatrice. He also talks about the historical accuracy of the Scriptures. Daniel explains the importance of faith and the process of Immersion, which is when a child is placed in water by the parents. However, it's not enough to save the child.
Daniel explains that he has chosen Immersion for himself and that one has to be weighed down in the ocean for a long period of time to be fully immersed and to have Beatrice in your life. Martin agrees to do this. Daniel prays with his brother and then gets ready for the process.
Martin tells Daniel that he is afraid, but Daniel tells him not to worry, recites Scripture, and pushes him into the ocean. The hull they are on is somewhat alive and Martin tries to hold on but fails. In the water, he feels himself nearly dying and struggling for air, but Daniel pulls him up again saying the process is complete. Martin feels Beatrice's presence in him and is full of faith.
Martin and Daniel arrive at a monastery and meet some of their friends. The monastery and churches all look like spaceships because they resemble Beatrice's spaceship. They walk through the church and attend a service. Martin gives a speech about Beatrice's influence in his life and then takes a boat (called a "launch") out into the ocean to clear his head alone. He encounters another man on a launch who claims he is lost, but ends up trying to kill Martin. Martin jumps from his launch and swims back to safety to his worried parents and his brother. Martin explains that he survived because Beatrice protected him and he prayed. Daniel and Martin begin praying in a different language once alone.
At 15, Martin went with his father to pick out a good boat for his brother and his fiancee. They check all of the hulls to ensure they are safe. The place of the marriage is called Ferez and Martin meets a girl named Lena, who is Agnes' second cousin. She talks about how she is from a different place called Mitar and that she hasn't seen a boat in a long time. Martin agrees to give her a tour of their boat, which is also their home. They talk about their homelands before she leaves.
The wedding takes place in a church in Ferez. Daniel and Agnez get married.
Lena and Martin have sex on his boat and she asks if he wants to make their experience more intimate. At first, he disagrees, but then ends up doing it. However, during this time, blood flows and their genitals switch. Martin asks Lena if she wants to get married since they have had sex, but she refuses. They talk for awhile about their life and other people of the world. Their arguments last for awhile before she agrees to meet him in the future. After a few days, they have sex again, but then don't plan on seeing each other. Martin feels uncomfortable about it all because he feels that Beatrice is watching him.
At 19, Martin goes to study at a university. He works on angelic technology and makes a few friends. However, he feels very miserable when he thinks about sex. He joins a religious group who talks and argues about their beliefs. Daniel is also part of this group. Martin goes to sleep and hopes that Beatrice grants him peace on the matter.
When he awakes, he learns that his mother is very sick. However, as soon as he arrives in the hospital, his mother has died. Martin's father explains that she is with God now. After his mother's death, Martin feels his faith get stronger. He leaves his father to work with someone, which he feels guilty about. Martin completes his thesis and then earns his degree. At 25, Martin stops working with his friend from college and instead works on his own.
Martin goes to a university in a place called Tia. He listens to a speaker about his topic and thinks about his faith's connection with science and his study. He sends out some job offers because he wants to be recruited. He prays in his room and then realizes he still possesses the ability to speak in tongues.
Martin awakes and has difficulty finding and feeling Beatrice's presence. He turns down the offers he got at an educational conference and avoids the zealots of the Churches. He also gets in an argument with a theologian while walking on the street.
At a beach, Martin watches as people observe a new discovery in his field--a pool with a particular bloom called zooyte. He watches as people line up for a ritual into the pool--people go into the middle, are chanted at, and then seem as if they are relieved from whatever is in them. Martin tries to put his hand into the water, but people get mad at him and remove him from the area. Martin explains that he has studied the water, but they tell him to leave because it is sacred water. Martin steps into the water despite their wishes and everyone believes it to be contaminated.
Martin lies in the water and feels Beatrice's presence. He preaches to the people before leaving.
Martin has a nightmare about killing his mother by drowning her using the same ritual his brother did with him. He walks around and someone stops him, asking if he needs a place to stay. Martin explains that he doesn't because it isn't cold and then asks the man if he believes in God. The man, though coming from the Church, says that he doesn't anymore and that life isn't as unbearable as people think. Martin sits on the steps and waits there until morning.
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