Spice Pogrom
By Connie Willis, first published in Asimov's Science Fiction
A young woman struggles to balance work, her demanding partner, and the numerous alien-like creatures who keep moving into her small apartment in space with her.
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A woman named Chris is on the phone with her fiance. She talks about how someone living with her keeps buying things and her apartment is starting to get very full. The apartment is in space and in an area called Sony. Her fiance, Stewart, does not seem to pay much attention to her and puts her on hold. When Stewart comes back, he explains that the individual living with her is an Eahrohh and that his company has been trying to negotiate a space program with the Eahrohh for a long time. He explains that she has to keep that individual--Mr. Oghhifoehnnahigrheeh--happy by pronouncing his name right and letting him do whatever he wants. This way, they'll be able to negotiate this space program. Chris explains that Stewart needs to convince the Eahrohh from buying things and he doesn't care because the Eahrohh needs to be of top priority. Additionally, Chris explains that there are numerous individuals living in her two-bedroom apartment and there isn't nay more room. There are two little girls who are living on her stairs because they believe that Spielberg is still alive and going to put them in a movie. Stewart leaves the call.
A girl named Molly, who has been living in Chris's apartment, tells her to get off the phone. Molly and her mother have been living on the landing outside of Chris's apartment. Molly asks Chris to call her agent to get into Spielberg's movie and also to talk to her landlord, Mr. Nagitha. Bets, one of the girls who lives on her stairs also joins the conversation. Stewart joins the call again and calls the two girls adorable. Chris tries to explain to Stewart that there are too many people in her apartment and wants them to leave, but Stewart refuses. His job is for NASA, but he refuses to help her find more places to put these people. She then asks if he can house them, but he explains that his mom--who he lives with--is xenophobic. Plus, Mr. Oghhifoehnnahigrheeh demanded a room with very high ceilings and her apartment has it.
After the call, Mr. Oghhifoehnnahigrheeh thanks her for his very tall room and brings in more shopping bags into his room. He's stout and has wide arms and a bald head. When she asks Mr. Oghhifoehnnahigrheeh to stop buying things, he gives her a cherry blossom tree as a gift and explains that Hutchins bought it for her. A tall, young man named Pete Hutchins enters the apartment and asks to stay in the apartment as well. Mr. Oghhifoehnnahigrheeh, also known as Okee, tells Chris that Hutchins will be staying with them and Chris reluctantly agrees because she wants to make sure Okee is happy. A woman also walks through the door and explains that she is subleasing the top half of the stairs. All of the people living in Chris's apartment begin talking to her at once and she begins to set ground rules such as bathroom time limits and no electrical appliances in the bathrooms. She tries to get back on the call with Stewart but he tells her he has to go.
Chris tries to tell the new individuals that they can't stay there. The new woman, Charmaine, explains that she works at Luigi's Tempura Pizzeria and Sutorippu, which is a strip show. Hutchins tells Chris that he feels sick and she explains that the shuttle can cause shuttle lag and she gives him some medicine. She explains that NASA is putting the Eahrohhs into any vacant apartment and hers is considered one of them. She tells Hutchins he can stay, but she will be looking for a room for him tomorrow somewhere else. Chris then tells Charmaine that Mr. Okee can't speak English well and then talks about her love life. Charmaine asks Chris if Hutchins is her boyfriend and she explains that Stewart is.
Mr. Okee asks Chris to take him and the others to the strip show. The take the train--called the bullet--to the show. While they order food, Hutchins explains to Chris that Mr. Okee can actually speak English very well and that he's only not speaking it to her because he's afraid of her judgment. Charmaine gets ready for her performance and heads out. Mr. Okee tells everyone that the show reminds him of his wife, who he misses very dearly. Chris and Hutchins talk about how Mr. Okee doesn't understand that some words have multiple meanings. Mr. Okee tells Chris that he wants her to marry Hutchins. They all watch the show and then return home on the bullet.
Mr. Okee bought more items and kept insisting that Chris and Hutchins get married and then go on a honeymoon. Chris talks about the logistics of getting married and Mr. Okee explains that they need to kiss and Chris gives up on explaining to him. When the arrive home, there are more people living in Chris's apartment.
Chris gets mad because she finds Bets sleeping on her bed. She realizes that Mr. Okee didn't understand the process of subletting and therefore, let many other people into the apartment as well. She tries to call Stewart, but he does not reply. She hears a loud noise and Hutchins tells her it's Mr. Okee snoring, they realize it's because he misses his wife. The girls laugh at Chris and leave, hoping that Chris and Hutchins get to spend time together. Chris falls asleep feeling happy after talking to Hutchins.
When Chris wakes up, Charmaine's old boyfriend has moved in and Hutchins tells the girls that Spielberg is probably dressing up as an alien and won't let them into his movie. Hutchins gives Chris a gift that Mr. Okee gave him. It's a small metal disk called a subvocalizer. It's a way that Chris and Hutchins can talk without letting other people hear. She becomes annoyed with the girls trying to make up conspiracy theories about Spielberg and then they tell Mr. Okee they wanted Hutchins and Chris to have sex. Mr. Okee doesn't understand so Chris explains that when people fall in love, they want to be close to each other. Mr. Okee becomes very sad because he misses his wife who is not close, but very far away. Molly and Bets let Mr. Okee sit in the bathroom during their time because he's upset.
Hutchins asks Chris about the space program and she tells him that Stewart is trying to negotiate it and that Okee is one of the passengers of a shuttle who knows about the program. Molly and Bets begin to practice tap dancing because Hutchins lies and says Spielberg is probably watching them.
Later on, Chris tells Charmaine that she's about to meet Stewart for lunch and asks where everyone else is. Charmaine explains that Mr. Okee is talking with Mr. Nagisha and Hutchins went out. Charmaine also tells Chris that she will look after Mr. Okee.
Stewart gets mad because Chris is half an hour late. As she tries to talk to him about the sublease and the numerous individuals in her apartment, he waves her off, interrupts her, and doesn't listen to what she has to say. Hutchins talks to Chris through the subvocalizer and eventually, Stewart leaves. Chris has trouble finding her shoes, but then Hutchins shows up and gives her some. He explains that he was looking for a job at Luigi's. Hutchins buys her food and asks her about the rest of the conversation between her and Stewart. She explains that she didn't tell Stewart that Mr. Okee sublet the apartment to Hutchins; she keeps to herself about how she has enjoyed his company and doesn't want him to leave.
Eventually, they make it to where Mr. Okee has been all day--being a canvas for Charmaine trying new makeup colors. Mr. Okee runs off and goes to buy a bed and diamonds. As Charmaine and Chris talk, Charmaine explains that she saw Hutchins earlier at a place called the axis and walking out of the NASA building. Chris gets mad because Hutchins lied and said he was getting a job at Luigi's.
Chris goes to confront Hutchins about it and accuses him of being a spy. She finds him in Mr. Okee's room, which is a place no one has been before. He explains that he isn't a spy, but rather going to figure out what type of space program that NASA wants. He explains that Okee is actually the leader of the Eahrohh's and that Okee often doesn't understand words have multiple meanings. Therefore, Okee probably didn't know what a space program was, but agreed to it anyway, so Hutchins wants to know what NASA wants so he can explain it to Okee. He also tried to figure out how subvocalizers worked, but to no avail. They rush out of Mr. Okee's room when they hear that others have arrived home for the day.
Mr. Okee insists that Hutchins and Chris get married again. Chris ends up sleeping on the couch. She tells him to sleep with Charmaine but he says he'd rather sleep with her. Molly and Bets explain that they have an interview and they're going to record it. Chris takes off her subvocalizer and Mr. Okee asks where it is. He talks about how Chris reminds him of his wife and that he bought her a bed because it reminds him of being close and he wants her to get close with Hutchins.
She goes to sleep and then wakes up to Hutchins saying he can't get into Okee's room. She explains that she can hear him snoring so he's probably asleep, but Hutchins insists on checking on him. When they open Mr. Okee's room, they find that he's gone and that the snoring is a recording. Hutchins explains that Mr. Okee probably got mad that Hutchins lied about his purpose and snuck around to learn about the space program. However, Chris and Hutchins find a checklist of things like "bed" and "diamonds" and realize Mr. Okee set it up for Chris and Hutchins to spend time together alone. Hutchins explains that he has been trying to tell her that Stewart is not meant for her because he doesn't care about her.
Stewart enters the apartment and calls for Chris. He asks where Mr. Okee is and gets mad when she doesn't pronounce his name correctly. Mr. Okee appears from the back of the room and he and Hutchins go with Stewart to a meeting, leaving Chris behind. Mr. Nagisha walks into the apartment and tells Chris that she has been evicted for subletting people without asking him first. The girls lie about why she let Hutchins in and then calls Stewart about the eviction. The girls get mad and tell Chris to leave the room because they are living there now. She tries calling Hutchins, but the call gets cut off after she tells him about her eviction. Stewart tells her that he's on his way, but that Mr. Okee and Hutchins are on a shuttle to Houston and won't be returning.
Chris sits in the living room in the dark because she is sad that Hutchins is gone. Charmaine tries to comfort her. Stewart comes in and is mad at her for letting random people live in the apartment. He explains that it can be fixed if she fake-marries Hutchins so it seems like Hutchins is a relative staying with her. She agrees and Chris and Hutchins get married over the phone with the other girls pretending to be bridesmaids. When they finish, Charmaine explains that Spielberg offered Molly and Bets a part in his movie.
Chris goes to sleep in Mr. Okee's room and Charmaine asks if she can ask Mr. Okee to let Hutchins come back up to space to live with Chris. Charmaine also says that the high ceilings in Mr. Okee's room could be turned into two apartments and create more space for people to live in. When Chris lies on the bed, she finds her subvocalizer under Mr. Okee's pillow.
She starts talking to Hutchins who tells her about Mr. Okee talking to the NASA people. Hutchins is afraid that there isn't a space program and that Hutchins wants to return to her. This causes Chris to cry and she reaches to the nightstand for tissues to find it isn't there. This surprises her and she shouts, waking Stewart up--who is sleeping outside the room--for a moment. Eventually, he goes back to sleep. Chris and Hutchins realize that the room Mr. Okee stayed in allows him to move stuff between the shuttle hanger (which Mr. Okee and Hutchins are in at that moment) and his room in the apartment because they both have tall ceilings.
They are able to transport items between the two of them and eventually they're both in the same room together. The look around and realize that Mr. Okee has planned their relationship from the beginning and actually knew exactly what the space program was. The room they are in resembles a honeymoon and they sit together and share a kiss.
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