John Payne reflects on his alcoholism and the ways in which he believes he is mentally ill. Before, John’s dog got into a fight, which made him feel he needed to celebrate with alcohol. This led him to think about the influence of alcohol in his life. John immediately recalls a time that he was drunk, and told his wife he needed to go find Black women to sleep with. Remembering the hurt he caused his wife made him remember when they got married at city hall, and went to drink after. He thought of his wife’s look of innocence, despite having been married once before. John thinks that part of the reason he treats his wife poorly is because of his attraction to Candice Bergen, a woman he knows he would never get to sleep with. He then thinks about how when he was younger, he felt that he was wonderful, and has since realized he was not. He ties this into his hatred of Black people, and the time he was humbled by a Black man, Earl Campbell, who would not buy John’s shoes from him because they smelled so horrible. John then remembers a time that he was at a bar and a man began walking to him to ask for a cigarette light, and John noticed the man had his hands in his pants, which John interpreted to mean the man was coming onto him. He then beat the man up, and left the bar to see a different man beating up a group of bikers. He is left with the feeling that he is a “piece of shit.” John remembers that he didn’t always feel poorly about himself. He remembers on his 15th birthday, his uncle gave him a pair of boots and $100 to spend on prostitutes. This had made him feel good about himself. He then describes how he worked at ARMCO for ten years before being laid off, which sent him and his buddies who were also laid off into a destructive spiral. One day, John drove to the nearby Tent City, to hang out with the homeless there. A Black man came to offer them a seminar in job preparedness, which made him feel threatened by the subversion of racial hierarchy. John ends his reflections thinking of his brother, who went to college. Their relationship ended when his brother came back talking about his Russian studies, and John mocked and hit him. He doesn’t feel good about it, but believes it makes him typical.