Omphalos
By Livia Llewellyn, first published in Engines of Desire: Tales of Love & Other Horrors, Lethe Press
An incestuous family leaves for vacation and ends up in the heart of the Olympic National Forest. Here, their traumatized daughter begins searching for the real world equivalent of the void she mentally escapes to during the sexual abuse she endures from her father.
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Plot Summary
June and her twin brother, Jamie, are headed to vacation in Victoria with their mother and father when they realize they have left their passports back home in Tacoma. Their father assures them that they will go somewhere even better, and begins driving them into the center of Olympic National Forest. Their mother is frustrated that they are not going where she has suggested, and for the first time ever, June watches her parents argue and function separately from their typical united front. Jamie and June sit in the back as they listen to their parents argue over the map, deciding which roads they will take. June pulls out a map her father gave her and sees a course already drawn on it in brown, with the greek word for chaos written in the very center of three concentric circles. Under the map June has spread across her lap, Jamie traces his hand up June's shorts and eventually under them and into her panties. June reciprocates the sexual act to her brother. Later that day, still in their camper, June asks her mother about the map and who drew on it. Her mother asks to see the map, but cannot see the brown lines charting out a course into the center of the forest that June talks about. They put the map away and hide it from the father, and June and Jamie play cards until they stop for the night. The father lights the stove for the mother to cook dinner and heads into the woods to smoke a cigarette. The mother cooks and sends June to fetch the father when dinner is ready to eat. June sets out to find him and becomes isolated in the thick woods and dark night. Suddenly, her father appears in the opening where she stands. He demands she show him her map and explain to him where she goes when he is with her. She doesn't want to tell him that she escapes into her mind to a dark void of a place, and that the middle of the circles on the map is where she thinks that place might physically be. He violently rapes her and then leaves her in the woods, bloodied and alone. June makes her way back to the camper and eats with her family. They all act as if nothing happened. That night after hours and hours, well after everyone else in the family has fallen asleep, June pokes her head out of the camper to listen to the night. She then goes back inside, realizing she cannot get out of the camper and run away without waking anyone up, and falls into a deep sleep. She awakes the next morning to her mother's hysterical crying and her father in a manic state, driving them up a precarious gravel road with a steep drop off. He calls June into the front seat and demands that she use her map to tell him how to get to the center. She tells him it is just around the corner and caresses his thigh as he drives. As they round the next corner, she grabs the steering wheel and pushes the brakes, sending the camper over the side of the cliff as her family screams and the world goes black. She wakes up in the shredded remains of her pajamas near the wrecked camper holding a bone and knowing it is months later. Animals surround her and the wilderness is vast and beautiful and she lets the feeling in her stomach guide her into the woods, alone and full of joy.