She Always Wanted Shoes
By Don Ludlow, first published in The New Masses
A poor father reminisces about the life of his deceased daughter while sitting next to her grave in the hot summer of California.
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Plot Summary
A father sits in a hot cemetery by his daughter's grave and mourns the loss of his child. He talks about how she always wanted shoes and that she was a good child who rarely asked questions about her family's financial disparities. The father explains that they once went to a circus, but that they couldn't afford it so the family watched it from the outside. The father explains that his daughter loved to watch the legs of the horses and had a great time. To make up for not going to the circus, the family took her to see a show and from that moment on, the daughter dreamed of being a dancer. The family sold the tent they were living in and then rented a home for the Winter in Los Angeles. Many families during that time were of a similar financial standing as them. They lived in trees and dug up holes for toilets. Many times, water was scarce so people had to lug giant milk jugs of water to their tents. The tent the family lived in was very dirty and had holes in it. There were two beds inside as well as a rocking chair, a wooden stove, and a table made of boxes. The beds had no sheets and there were only thin blankets and quilts on them. The family also owned 2 kerosene lamps and a string they used as a clothesline. Despite the somewhat warm clothing each member wore, they were often getting sick with colds. The father explains that his family rented a home for 12 dollars a month and that his daughter really enjoyed living there. She used to find joy in turning the lights and running water on and off. The father talks about how he eventually got a job in the oil fields and that they were going to send her to school soon. His daughter became very excited at the thought of going to school and would attempt to spell out the words they passed on the signs nearby. He reminisces about how his daughter asked if other school children wore shoes and the father said they probably do. However, the father talks of how his job at the oil fields only lasting a few days because he did not have enough strength to hold the pipes. He thinks about how they waited too long searching for another job because he didn't want to disappoint his daughter that she wasn't going to be living in that home anymore or going to school. The family ends up getting kicked out from their house with no money left. With their broken car, the family begins driving down the Valley and the daughter gets very sick. The car was full of junk, so the daughter would just lay on her mother and throw up. However, his daughter never complained. She did cry often though. And when the family eventually found a temporary place to rest, the daughter found the shadows on the wall scary. The daughter, sick and afraid, refused to eat and sleep. The father talks about how after that winter, his daughter wasn't as she used to be. She didn't sing or laugh. Rather, she talked about things like jobs and groceries and with her sickness, her childhood left. The family, in search for jobs, had no shelter. The father searched for work but his wife and children were constantly sick with things like tuberculosis. The children would run around and try to find things to play with as they were barefooted. The family had created an irrigation ditch for cleaning and cooked their food in rusty pots. They slept outside on the ground. The mother was known for begin a wonderful housekeeper back at their old home and they were all accustomed to living like this. The father explains that they were only able to make some money and bought what little they could. Despite this, his daughter never complained. She used to ask the other children nearby for food to eat. However, his daughter got sicker each day so they took her to see a nearby doctor. The doctor said that she just needed to eat healthier, but the visit was 2 out of the 4 dollars the father made that week. However, the camp that they were living in was busted by some health officers who explained one of the children had a terrible disease. The family got in their car and drove to a new place--an area by the orange groves. The father began to make a little more money and was able to buy another tent and a cot for his daughter to sleep on. However, his daughter was very sick and eventually couldn't walk. The father took his daughter to the hospital, but was rejected because they didn't have a primary care doctor. On their way back home, his daughter asked if she was going to die and if she could eventually have shoes when she went to school. Her father said that she wasn't going to die and that he would buy her shoes. There were many laws put in place about the needy people of California, but many of the families were rejected of healthcare and basic needs. The father explained that he would often sit besides her and tell her stories. When she got sicker, he would just watch her or steal books from the library to read to her. His daughter really enjoyed the stories about children. His daughter died soon after. The father carried her to the hospital and the nurses called for a stretcher to carry her away. A preacher prayed over the body and they dressed her up and put her in a coffin. The father reached through the sheet and felt that the nurses had put his daughter in a dress and gave her shoes.