You Don't Have Very Far to Go
By Francisco Uribe, first published in Coolest American Stories 2023
Saddened by the leaving of his wife, a man and his best friend place their bets on an upcoming boxing match.
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Plot Summary
The man’s wife leaves while he’s at work. When he comes home, he knows she won’t return. He reminisces about her and copes by buying beer and scratchers. He blasts music in his house and rummages through the things she left, only to find that she took everything of hers, except for a pink G-string. Comforted by it, he puts the pink G-string around his neck and continues to drink his beers while singing along to music. He thinks about killing himself but gathers himself to drive to a nearby bookstore, as he likes reading while down.
Into the bookstore, he takes a loaded gun with him and picks out a lewd book with an explicit cover on it. At the counter, an old lady rings him up and is disgusted by his G-string. She is then terrified when he pulls out his gun while fishing for change. Finally, she judges him silently for the book he has chosen to buy. On the drive home, he thinks about his ex-wife. He then reads while drinking and smoking, G-string still around his neck.
Back inside his house, the man overhears his neighbor’s wife yelling, probably because the neighbor has chosen to visit him. He recalls how the neighbor’s wife doesn’t really like the man that much, as he drinks too much and thus deserves to have his wife leave him. Together, they talk about how the ex-wife left, after which they sing, dance, and drink to the neighbor’s favorite music. The man reminisces about first moving into his house with his wife, which makes him cry. The neighbor tries to console him, but his words don’t get through to him.
The neighbor takes the man’s scratchers and wins five hundred dollars, after which he says they should bet the five hundred on tonight’s boxing match between a champion and an underdog. The neighbor wants to bet on the champion, which would only net a few dollars, but the man wants to bet on the underdog, which would increase their money by over forty times. Before the neighbor can protest, the man shoots six shots of his revolver at the recliner he’s sitting on. The neighbor then calls his acquaintance and puts five hundred on the underdog.
Together, they drive to a bar. The neighbor gets drawn in to the women there, while the man sits alone and ogles the bartendress who looks like his ex-wife. At the bar, the boxing match is televised, and no one seems to have any faith in the underdog to win. However, the underdog ends up putting up a good performance through each round, but the man is still hung up on his newfound loneliness. He wants the champion to win after all, which would mean somehow that his ex-wife would return, but the champion eventually loses to the underdog.
The man starts to cry, and everyone around him thinks it’s because he bet an enormous amount of money on the champion. To console him, everyone buys him drinks. The neighbor, however, says that they have to leave immediately, as it would cause chaos for word to get out that they won over twenty thousand dollars by betting on the underdog. Fearing that he’ll blab in his drunkenness, the neighbor gets the man out into his car.
On the road, the neighbor is driving, which makes the man fearful, as he’s afraid that a cop will stop them due to the neighbor’s race. They then drive through a traffic stop, which makes the man nervous, but the neighbor’s calm and inoffensive driving gets them through without any possible reprimand. Eventually, they get to the acquaintance’s house in order to collect their money as soon as possible.
The acquaintance reveals that he doesn’t have the twenty thousand dollars to give them. The neighbor then takes the man’s gun and threatens to shoot him, which makes the acquaintance dig up all eighteen thousand dollars he owns. After they get the money, the man is still more hung up on his ex-wife than happy about his spoils. He’s afraid that if his wife comes back, she’ll only stay for his money. Back at his house, the man decides to let his neighbor have the eighteen thousand for being a good friend to him. The man still thinks his ex-wife is coming back.
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