The Best Girlfriend You Never Had
By Pam Houston, first published in Other Voices
Talking with her best guy friend, a girl reminisces on her toxic past relationships and confronts feelings of fear and uncertainty as she steps forward into her future.
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Plot Summary
Lucy O’Rourke spends the entire day with her friend Leo, as usual. After breakfast, they go to the gardens at the Palace of Fine Arts to read poems while talking about love. Leo is an architect while Lucy is a photographer. On that day, the Palace of Fine Arts hosts five weddings, which Lucy and Leo observe from their spot in the gardens. Lucy talks about how Leo is in love with a woman named Guinevere who is a Buddhist weaver and lives in a clapboard house. Yet, Guinevere is in love with someone else. Lucy talks about how she moved from Colorado to live in San Francisco. In Colorado, she felt her sense of self slipping away and moved to San Francisco in hopes to rediscover herself. Soon after coming to the city, she met a man named Gordon and entered into an abusive relationship. Back in the present, Leo and Lucy talk about relationships, and Leo asks jokingly if he is the best girlfriend she has never had. They talk about their futures and having children before Lucy talks about her memories with Gordon. Gordon was an extremely jealous romantic partner, who would get angry over minor interactions Lucy would have with other men in public settings. Despite his abusive behavior, Lucy remained in the relationship in fear of being alone. She recalls telling this problem to Guinevere who told Lucy that she no longer surrenders herself to please men. Lucy also recalls the first time she was mugged in San Francisco. After watching a movie at the theaters alone late at night, a man approaches her, asking her for money. When Lucy declines, the man threatens her by claiming he has a gun. Lucy's bold response, however, causes the man to hesitate. The man's hesitation affords Lucy enough time to grab her keys, get into the car, and drive away before he can react. Back with Leo, Lucy grabs lunch with him at a Mexican restaurant. After telling Leo about her fight with Gordon the night before about John Lennon, Leo tells her he loves her “in the good way.” Diving back into her history with Gordon, Lucy recounts when Gordon tried to abandon her at a trailhead during a backpacking trip after he witnessed men talking to her at her photography class. Lucy, however, refused to leave the car, and instead crawled into the backseat, screaming. Gordon gave up his attempt to abandon her, and Lucy continued to scream through the trip to his apartment until he told her he would let her stay if she was quiet. Leo also shares a memory of when he got mugged in San Francisco by a man who had a bullet wound and forced Leo to withdraw money from a cash machine. Lucy thinks about how the man told Leo to call the man’s girlfriend and tell her her boyfriend was alright—something Leo didn't do despite promising the man. She also recalls the day she talked to another man at the bar. Gordon got angry at her on the way home but she surprised him by not inviting him into her house when he dropped her off. She ended the relationship, but Gordon continued stalking her, even going so far as to send her threats and damage her belongings. Lucy also shares a memory she had with her parents at a New Year’s Eve college basketball game in Phoenix, Arizona. While driving with her parents, a cop pulled her over for multiple driving offenses including running stop signs and speeding. Throughout her conversation with the police officer, her father openly criticized and degraded Lucy. Lucy's mother also encouraged Lucy's father to admit his hatred towards his daughter. The officer took pity on Lucy for her parents' abusive behavior and let her off with a warning. Leo and Lucy borrow a sailboat from Leo’s acquaintance and take it out on the water. Lucy steers the ship and tries to race a bigger boat for fun. She has a momentary reflection about all the things people can forget about in life, all the small details that make their own lives a reality. In her vulnerability, she tells Leo that she is scared. Back in the car to return home, Lucy tells Leo to stop at the Palace of the Fine Arts. Lucy gets out and takes some photos of the swans and rose petals and imagines herself getting married at the Palace. She repeats to herself that she is scared once again, but feels somewhat liberated.
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